Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no, he came in my armpit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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