I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
