I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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