When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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