You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
