I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
