They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need to stop coming to work sober
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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