I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize