I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
