The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
