yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
