Define "chronic" masturbator.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
