Just fell off a train. Bad.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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