This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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