There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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