he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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