Having a random hookup so left but love u
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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