the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
