At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
