Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
