I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
