Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
