I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
