i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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