I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
