He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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