Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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