Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
