I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
