boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
