Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
