She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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