More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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