you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
