who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
