i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
