Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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