yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
