"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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