Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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