guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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