please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think your dad took our porno
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
