im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
