She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
