the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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