brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
