If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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