Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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