Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
