I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
