I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
