i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
