haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's get the cat blown out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
