he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
