Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
