the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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