sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
