I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
