I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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