Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
