yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
