half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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