How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
