Can Purell be used as lube?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
