YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
