i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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