i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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