i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
