apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
