Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
