While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
where are my eyebrows?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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