I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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