you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want nice things and good sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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