just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
