I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
