Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
