Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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