i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
