Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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