I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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